I know there are things I need to be flexible about when assessing prospective dates, but I know that location isn’t one of them. My OKCupid mailbox continues to fill, but only one of the messages is from someone whose stated location is roughly the same as mine: Washington State. Meeting someone in Washington could still involve seven or more hours of car time, depending on their location, but I like his picture, so I read the message.
“hello my name is Daniel,i work as a building consultancy i work for government and commissioners it nice seeing you on here what a beautiful woman to be precise i cant wait to know more about you,i will wait to read back from you……Daniel”
I wonder if he repeats his name to remind himself what he’s pretending it is today.
I’m bored already.
By the end of the first day, I’ve received 27 messages, but I’m already ignoring them and simply looking at profiles. There’s an app, so I download it to my phone and when I find myself with time to kill, I flick through the photos, left for no, right for yes.
John Lennon after a night of coding, left.
A man whose chin is hidden by a green glitter beard, left.
A shirtless guy in a sailor hat, left.
A guy with no shirt and no head on which to put a sailor hat, left.
A guy who can apparently jump parking meters in a single bound, left. No capes!
Emails continue to arrive, from men whose usernames profess their love, or their faith, or their other interests. BloodElf writes to me, as does MrNottoosmart. One correspondent is at his ropesend. Superfood4you is either disturbingly health-conscious or edible, but I don’t reply, as we’re not a good fit either way. By the time I’ve found the messages from Coolsex-sweetsex, MrSteelShaft, and Pantylover, my inbox has become a wasteland of unread messages, mostly from now-inactive profiles.
Daniel writes again, and though the profile and picture and location have changed, the email message is identical, even the typos. I wonder how many times he cut and pastes that message a day, and what his response rate is.